Pulled
To think that I am the only person who feels pulled in a million directions today would be foolish. It is the American way - the very challenge of adulthood. Balancing wants, needs, desires, and obligations. Walking the tightrope between sanity and responsibility. Stretching ourselves as far in one direction as we can without having to let go of anything else.
But the fact remains that - alone or not - I feel pulled in a million directions today. And since this is my blog space, I'm going to talk about me. So here goes.
I devote over an hour every morning to my daily exercise. And while an hour is not a large percentage of my time, it does represent a significant percentage of my total daily energy. I'm hugely proud of my newly established ability to run anywhere from 5.5 to 6.5 miles, and it is only through a committment to regular repetition that I am able to do it. Despite my blog title, which is more a commentary on how I feel about life than anything else, I'm not actually in training for anything. I'm just OCD about exercise. Mostly for weight issues.
I work until 7:00pm five nights a week. By the time I fight traffic to get home, it's 7:30pm. Work is going very very well, and I'm quite happy with my job. But it sucks up my daylight and ability to get anything else done during business hours. I find myself frustrated with lack of time I have left to do anything else.
We don't eat out during the week. Ever. We just don't. For many reasons, including but not limited to my weight issues (those pop up a lot), the frugal nature of my fiance, and our combined desire for longevity and health. This includes lunches, which we dutifully prepare and pack every evening in preparation for the next day. So when I arrive home from work, we immediately set about cooking, eating, cleaning up, and preping the next day's food. Even when we have simple meals, it takes usually somewhere around an hour and a half to get all of this accomplished.
Bedtime is somewhere between 10pm-11pm. It has to be, since I plan to get up and run 10k in the morning and work a full day immediately after. If I've done my math correctly, that means I have exactly 1 luxurious hour to do "whatever I want" before winding down for bed.
Whatever I Want:
Planning a wedding
Christmas shopping for our family and friends (50 people)
Nurturing my relationship with Fiance
Reading a few chapters of my book
Watching my favorite TV shows/movies
Talking to my friends or relatives on the phone
Returning emails
Reading my mail
It's no wonder, really, that I feel like one thing is spilling over into the next. That I sit at work and am distracted by all the wedding stuff that should have gotten done or am trying to remember which Christmas presents I'm supposed to pick up at lunch or on my way home.
I've come to the conclusion that I don't FEEL pulled in a million directions. I AM pulled in a million directions.
I'm not having a pity party. I don't have children to juggle, and I'm not starving or struggling financially. I'm very grateful that the choices I've made have led me here because, all in all, here is a pretty happy place to be. I have a fiance who loves me and who I adore, a fabulous job, and a great apartment. I just wish I had more TIME. Time to stop and enjoy it all just a little bit more. To luxuriate in the here and now of life, instead of running from one thing to the next. I feel like I must miss out on a lot of things because I just don't have the time or energy left to even look at them.
posted by Hey! I'm Blogging Here. at
5:50 PM
5 Comments:
Me too, me too! I so know what you're talking about. And the thing of it is, when I talk about my time issues to anyone who is ultra OCD about time management, then I always here, "You'll never have the time unless you MAKE the time." I hate that. _Hate_ that.
I'm proud of you for all you've accomplished in the hot body/fit life department! You are truly an inspiration to me.
Very frustrating. Good luck in finding a better balance. And I am completely in awe of your exercise regimen--way to go.
*oops . . . that should have said "hear" not here.
:cringe: what did I get my degree in? I'm so ashamed.
Okay, not to be pushy or nosy or rude, but 50 gifts! That is insane. Especially if it is adding to your stress level and you are feeling burdened by the gift-giving and not excited about choosing gifts for them. So, a suggestion: donation to charity in their name; magazine subscription; or talk to some of these people and see if they are feeling like you are. Maybe you could agree to not buy gifts for each other with some people and instead say you will enjoy a night out with David and they can do the same with their someone special. My sister and I agreed to do that for Christmas since we each have 4 kids. We don't buy grownup gifts and instead promise each other we will use that money on ourselves as a couple instead.
Just my thoughts. Again, I don't want to seem rude or intrusive; it just seems like you are feeling overwhelmed and that is one way you can reduce the stress level.
good luck!
"I don't have children to juggle, and I'm not starving or struggling financially."
I just wanted to say that just because you are not in the above situations doesn't make your situation any less difficult for you. Your struggles, worries, burdens, whatevers are yours to bear and were given to you for a reason. They are not more or less than you can handle right now and so they have value for you and your walk. So often we say, well, it could be worse, so what's my problem? And while perspective is great, we shouldn't diminish our current difficulties; they have a purpose too. It took me a long time to realize this, but it has helped me so much. There is value in all of our sufferings, no matter how small they may seem.
Post a Comment
Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]
<< Home