Limbo
One of the things I struggle most with as a person, and especially as an adult, is living in the now. I know I'm not really unique in this -- part of our culture is to always be on the way to the next great thing. It's good to be moving forward rather than stagnating, and I like to be able to see and visualize at least a little ways down the road in front of me. I'm a planner, so in a way this lifestyle works well for me.
But I was having a conversation with my brother this morning, who was out visiting for the long weekend, and I re-realized that this planning mentality kind of has a major drawback. We're constantly in limbo. Constantly not anywhere firm, but instead in a state of flux reaching out for the next thing. Even where I am right now is amorphous.
When I go running, sometimes I have a tough time pushing past the wall. Every runner has a wall, beyond which it becomes easier to breathe and easier to move. It's getting to and then past the wall that is hard. My wall, incidentally, is about the half mile mark. But I use different visualization and mental tricks to get me through it, one of which is the old bait and switch. I tell myself that I will run to the next tree. But when I get there, I say "haha -- not really the tree. It's the next mailbox." And then the next parked car, and so on. Eventually, I stop marking my future stopping point and just start enjoying the run for what it is. Movement.
I haven't pushed past the wall in my life yet. And I'm not sure what, if anything, that says about me. I am still teasing myself foward with landmarks. I'll keep working diligently until we buy a house. I'll keep doing the corporate thing until David is more settled. We'll keep killing ourselves working overtime until we max out our retirement funds. Etc. Everytime we reach a landmark, the goal has shifted and, with barely a moment's pause, we are reaching for the next.
It's not a bad thing. I enjoy our accomplishments very much. I enjoy the sensation of success and progress. But there are times when I wonder where my wall is in life. At what point will I be able to stop marking my way and just start enjoying the movement without the planning and forward thinking. Experiencing this moment and this time, without my enjoyment of the moment being linked to how much closer it puts me to my next landmark.
Until I reach it, though, I will just have to continue to push forward.
posted by Hey! I'm Blogging Here. at
10:15 PM
4 Comments:
Excellent thoughts. We grow up being taught and trained that everything we do is for something higher and greater - our education, our financial situation, our love life (looking for our soul mate), even our spiritual life (we do what we do to attain a life with Him upstairs.)
It's the smaller increments - the moments, the memories, the meals, the hugs, the kisses, the laughs, the tears that help us slow down and enjoy our journey.
Lots to think about.
Interesting thoughts. I have that feeling too, about a lot of things. The times when I find myself not living for the next thing, but enjoying the present one, are usually times when I am more active in my spiritual life. But knowing that rarely motivates me to pick back up in that arena. Thanks for making me think today, G!
I was just having a similar thought today but you put it into words much better than I. I really like the running analogy. I definitely don't think you're in the minority. Society teaches us to want the next and greatest thing and somewhere along the line we don't think we can relax until we have it. But "justme" is right, it's the simple things we must enjoy along the way. It's the laughs, smiles, and time spent with others that really matters most. It's just slowing down enough to enjoy it, and to stop thinking for a moment about what might be coming next.
I can sympathize.
Post a Comment
Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]
<< Home