It Makes Me Nervous

The USC Trojans take on the OSU Buckeyes in just under an hour.

For years, the trash talk has flown from both sides of the country about who would come out ahead in this hypothetical competition. USC has failed to make it into the National Championship Bowl due to stupid losses early in the season, and OSU continually makes it to the BSC Championship game ranked number one but fails to show up for it, losing to lesser competition (than USC would have been) badly.

I have had every confidence each and every year this has happened that if we had but the opportunity, we could quell this trash talk once and for all by proving USC to be the better team.

And now it's finally going to happen. On our second game of the season. I'm excited because I, along with most other college football fans across the country, have been anticipating this match up for years. I think we will win, and by a large margin.

But it makes me nervous. I'm always nervous when we play, mostly because we are always in the spotlight. It makes the wins feel fabulous, but it broadcasts our mistakes, shortcomings, downfalls, and losses on every blog and sports website for weeks. Who wouldn't be nervous under this much of a microscope?

I had errands to run this morning, and while I was out and about in my USC Trojans t-shirt, I shared "Go USC!" shout outs with other game-day geared fans at the gas station, the mall, and believe it or not, even with a fireman. The community (or the side that isn't in mourning over the 59-0 UCLA loss against BYU) is pumped and ready. The team, if Pete Carroll has come through for us like he always does, is pumped and ready. We ARE the better team. There is nothing to worry about.

And still it makes me nervous.

I refuse to jinx it by saying the win is in the bag. Anything can happen, and OSU has at least one Heisman Hopeful coming to the field (though rumor is that Beanie Wells guy isn't playing).

But I do have my fingers crossed, my game day shirt on, and my cheers all ready. I hope to post back here tomorrow with stats and plays and players to tout and praise. But I guess we shall see. We shall definitely see.

Btw - a huge "Good Luck" to my Alma Matter UNT who takes on LSU tonight. Guys, if you could pull a win out on this one, I would be forever grateful. My heart is with you! Go Mean Green!!

And Congrats to Oregon, who beat Purdue in double overtime mere minutes ago.

Ramble On

Rules:

1. Put your MP3 player on shuffle.

2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.

3. You must write that song name down no matter how ridiculous it sounds.4. Put any comments in brackets after the song name.

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1. If someone says, "Is this okay?" You say? How Do I Get There? - Deana Carter [Hmm. If I did, they would probably think I had not been listening to what they were saying. Unless we were discussing restaurant choices, and "someone" said "I think cheesecake factory. Is this okay?" and I said "how do I get there" meaning "this is LA. Will it take six hours or can I walk?" Then it makes sense.]

2. How would you describe yourself? On Our Way - Christina Aguilera [Interesting. And deep on some levels. Especially if you read my last blog post. I DO feel like we're on our way. I'm just not sure where we're going and if it's worth the trip.]

3. What do you like in a guy/girl? Silent Night - Bing Crosby [Ha! Is this like saying Silence is Golden? If so, I'm all about that. You have to know when to just be silent. It's very true.]

4. How do you feel today? We've Got Tonight - Bob Seger [Ooo. I guess today wasn't very good, eh? And I'm saying... well, it's not a total loss. At least we have tonight.]

5. What is your life's purpose? Back To Basics - Christina Aguilera [Yes! This is what I've been saying all along. Forget all this complicated "responsibility" crap. Let's just get back to basics. ]

6. What is your motto? All I really Want - Alanis Morissette [Not sure what this one says about me. Other than that I'm stuck in like 1995]

7. What do your friends think of you? Let Her Cry - Hootie [Ouch guys. Really? Thanks a lot! I mean, I know I'm emotional by nature, but you're just going to sit there and let me cry?]

8. What do you think of your parents? I Will Be Here - Steven Curtis Chapman [Awww... touching.]

9. What do you think about often? The Entertainer - Billy Joel [I have no idea what this means]

10. What is 2+2? Dreamer - Hillary Duff [Just curious, with what song does this question make sense?]

11. What do you think about your best friend? Tequila! - Fiesta Kings [Wait, does this mean my best friend is my drinking buddy? Or my best friend IS tequila? Either way, not being painted in the best light here...]

12. What do you think about the person you like? Perfect Day - Hoku [Well, when he is around it IS the perfect day. Gag, right? ]

13. What do you want to be when you grow up? Insane in the Membrane - Cypress Hill [Done and done.]

14. What do you think of when you see the person you like? Hold My Hand - Hootie [Yep, I'm that sappy. I admit it.]

15. What will you dance to at your wedding? Perfect - Alanis Morrisette [Based on the name of the song only, how touching! Based on what the song is about, that would be sad. ]

16. What will they play at your funeral? Why Not? - Hillary Duff [I guess on some level that's appropriate, since the song is about taking a chance on yourself and on life... on daring to do the things that intimidate you, etc. I would like to live like that more often, so I guess if I'm remembered in that way, I'd be ok with that. A little chipper for a funeral, though, don't you think?]

17. What is your hobby/interest? Still Diirty - Christina Aguilera [huh? not getting it.]

18. What is your biggest fear? Since You've Been Gone - Kelly Clarkson [How is that possible? Isn't that song about freedom? Misplaced love? I'm not scared of either of those things, silly iPod]

19. What is your biggest secret? Pour Some Sugar on Me - Def Lepord [Hmm. Maybe I'm secretly a stripper]

20. What do you think of your friends? Can't Let me Down - Lo-Ball [See, I'm there for you. You should rethink the whole "let her cry" thing.]

21. What will you title this note? Ramble On - Train [Appropriate. Very appropriate]

This is really fun... DO IT!!!

Limbo

One of the things I struggle most with as a person, and especially as an adult, is living in the now. I know I'm not really unique in this -- part of our culture is to always be on the way to the next great thing. It's good to be moving forward rather than stagnating, and I like to be able to see and visualize at least a little ways down the road in front of me. I'm a planner, so in a way this lifestyle works well for me.

But I was having a conversation with my brother this morning, who was out visiting for the long weekend, and I re-realized that this planning mentality kind of has a major drawback. We're constantly in limbo. Constantly not anywhere firm, but instead in a state of flux reaching out for the next thing. Even where I am right now is amorphous.

When I go running, sometimes I have a tough time pushing past the wall. Every runner has a wall, beyond which it becomes easier to breathe and easier to move. It's getting to and then past the wall that is hard. My wall, incidentally, is about the half mile mark. But I use different visualization and mental tricks to get me through it, one of which is the old bait and switch. I tell myself that I will run to the next tree. But when I get there, I say "haha -- not really the tree. It's the next mailbox." And then the next parked car, and so on. Eventually, I stop marking my future stopping point and just start enjoying the run for what it is. Movement.

I haven't pushed past the wall in my life yet. And I'm not sure what, if anything, that says about me. I am still teasing myself foward with landmarks. I'll keep working diligently until we buy a house. I'll keep doing the corporate thing until David is more settled. We'll keep killing ourselves working overtime until we max out our retirement funds. Etc. Everytime we reach a landmark, the goal has shifted and, with barely a moment's pause, we are reaching for the next.

It's not a bad thing. I enjoy our accomplishments very much. I enjoy the sensation of success and progress. But there are times when I wonder where my wall is in life. At what point will I be able to stop marking my way and just start enjoying the movement without the planning and forward thinking. Experiencing this moment and this time, without my enjoyment of the moment being linked to how much closer it puts me to my next landmark.

Until I reach it, though, I will just have to continue to push forward.