It Makes Me Nervous

The USC Trojans take on the OSU Buckeyes in just under an hour.

For years, the trash talk has flown from both sides of the country about who would come out ahead in this hypothetical competition. USC has failed to make it into the National Championship Bowl due to stupid losses early in the season, and OSU continually makes it to the BSC Championship game ranked number one but fails to show up for it, losing to lesser competition (than USC would have been) badly.

I have had every confidence each and every year this has happened that if we had but the opportunity, we could quell this trash talk once and for all by proving USC to be the better team.

And now it's finally going to happen. On our second game of the season. I'm excited because I, along with most other college football fans across the country, have been anticipating this match up for years. I think we will win, and by a large margin.

But it makes me nervous. I'm always nervous when we play, mostly because we are always in the spotlight. It makes the wins feel fabulous, but it broadcasts our mistakes, shortcomings, downfalls, and losses on every blog and sports website for weeks. Who wouldn't be nervous under this much of a microscope?

I had errands to run this morning, and while I was out and about in my USC Trojans t-shirt, I shared "Go USC!" shout outs with other game-day geared fans at the gas station, the mall, and believe it or not, even with a fireman. The community (or the side that isn't in mourning over the 59-0 UCLA loss against BYU) is pumped and ready. The team, if Pete Carroll has come through for us like he always does, is pumped and ready. We ARE the better team. There is nothing to worry about.

And still it makes me nervous.

I refuse to jinx it by saying the win is in the bag. Anything can happen, and OSU has at least one Heisman Hopeful coming to the field (though rumor is that Beanie Wells guy isn't playing).

But I do have my fingers crossed, my game day shirt on, and my cheers all ready. I hope to post back here tomorrow with stats and plays and players to tout and praise. But I guess we shall see. We shall definitely see.

Btw - a huge "Good Luck" to my Alma Matter UNT who takes on LSU tonight. Guys, if you could pull a win out on this one, I would be forever grateful. My heart is with you! Go Mean Green!!

And Congrats to Oregon, who beat Purdue in double overtime mere minutes ago.

Ramble On

Rules:

1. Put your MP3 player on shuffle.

2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.

3. You must write that song name down no matter how ridiculous it sounds.4. Put any comments in brackets after the song name.

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1. If someone says, "Is this okay?" You say? How Do I Get There? - Deana Carter [Hmm. If I did, they would probably think I had not been listening to what they were saying. Unless we were discussing restaurant choices, and "someone" said "I think cheesecake factory. Is this okay?" and I said "how do I get there" meaning "this is LA. Will it take six hours or can I walk?" Then it makes sense.]

2. How would you describe yourself? On Our Way - Christina Aguilera [Interesting. And deep on some levels. Especially if you read my last blog post. I DO feel like we're on our way. I'm just not sure where we're going and if it's worth the trip.]

3. What do you like in a guy/girl? Silent Night - Bing Crosby [Ha! Is this like saying Silence is Golden? If so, I'm all about that. You have to know when to just be silent. It's very true.]

4. How do you feel today? We've Got Tonight - Bob Seger [Ooo. I guess today wasn't very good, eh? And I'm saying... well, it's not a total loss. At least we have tonight.]

5. What is your life's purpose? Back To Basics - Christina Aguilera [Yes! This is what I've been saying all along. Forget all this complicated "responsibility" crap. Let's just get back to basics. ]

6. What is your motto? All I really Want - Alanis Morissette [Not sure what this one says about me. Other than that I'm stuck in like 1995]

7. What do your friends think of you? Let Her Cry - Hootie [Ouch guys. Really? Thanks a lot! I mean, I know I'm emotional by nature, but you're just going to sit there and let me cry?]

8. What do you think of your parents? I Will Be Here - Steven Curtis Chapman [Awww... touching.]

9. What do you think about often? The Entertainer - Billy Joel [I have no idea what this means]

10. What is 2+2? Dreamer - Hillary Duff [Just curious, with what song does this question make sense?]

11. What do you think about your best friend? Tequila! - Fiesta Kings [Wait, does this mean my best friend is my drinking buddy? Or my best friend IS tequila? Either way, not being painted in the best light here...]

12. What do you think about the person you like? Perfect Day - Hoku [Well, when he is around it IS the perfect day. Gag, right? ]

13. What do you want to be when you grow up? Insane in the Membrane - Cypress Hill [Done and done.]

14. What do you think of when you see the person you like? Hold My Hand - Hootie [Yep, I'm that sappy. I admit it.]

15. What will you dance to at your wedding? Perfect - Alanis Morrisette [Based on the name of the song only, how touching! Based on what the song is about, that would be sad. ]

16. What will they play at your funeral? Why Not? - Hillary Duff [I guess on some level that's appropriate, since the song is about taking a chance on yourself and on life... on daring to do the things that intimidate you, etc. I would like to live like that more often, so I guess if I'm remembered in that way, I'd be ok with that. A little chipper for a funeral, though, don't you think?]

17. What is your hobby/interest? Still Diirty - Christina Aguilera [huh? not getting it.]

18. What is your biggest fear? Since You've Been Gone - Kelly Clarkson [How is that possible? Isn't that song about freedom? Misplaced love? I'm not scared of either of those things, silly iPod]

19. What is your biggest secret? Pour Some Sugar on Me - Def Lepord [Hmm. Maybe I'm secretly a stripper]

20. What do you think of your friends? Can't Let me Down - Lo-Ball [See, I'm there for you. You should rethink the whole "let her cry" thing.]

21. What will you title this note? Ramble On - Train [Appropriate. Very appropriate]

This is really fun... DO IT!!!

Limbo

One of the things I struggle most with as a person, and especially as an adult, is living in the now. I know I'm not really unique in this -- part of our culture is to always be on the way to the next great thing. It's good to be moving forward rather than stagnating, and I like to be able to see and visualize at least a little ways down the road in front of me. I'm a planner, so in a way this lifestyle works well for me.

But I was having a conversation with my brother this morning, who was out visiting for the long weekend, and I re-realized that this planning mentality kind of has a major drawback. We're constantly in limbo. Constantly not anywhere firm, but instead in a state of flux reaching out for the next thing. Even where I am right now is amorphous.

When I go running, sometimes I have a tough time pushing past the wall. Every runner has a wall, beyond which it becomes easier to breathe and easier to move. It's getting to and then past the wall that is hard. My wall, incidentally, is about the half mile mark. But I use different visualization and mental tricks to get me through it, one of which is the old bait and switch. I tell myself that I will run to the next tree. But when I get there, I say "haha -- not really the tree. It's the next mailbox." And then the next parked car, and so on. Eventually, I stop marking my future stopping point and just start enjoying the run for what it is. Movement.

I haven't pushed past the wall in my life yet. And I'm not sure what, if anything, that says about me. I am still teasing myself foward with landmarks. I'll keep working diligently until we buy a house. I'll keep doing the corporate thing until David is more settled. We'll keep killing ourselves working overtime until we max out our retirement funds. Etc. Everytime we reach a landmark, the goal has shifted and, with barely a moment's pause, we are reaching for the next.

It's not a bad thing. I enjoy our accomplishments very much. I enjoy the sensation of success and progress. But there are times when I wonder where my wall is in life. At what point will I be able to stop marking my way and just start enjoying the movement without the planning and forward thinking. Experiencing this moment and this time, without my enjoyment of the moment being linked to how much closer it puts me to my next landmark.

Until I reach it, though, I will just have to continue to push forward.

Two Things

First, my nephew started his very first blog. And his very first semester at college. Ack! I'm so old. But I wanted to give his blog a shout out and encourage any and all to take a look. He's at http://www.yeahidblogthat.blogspot.com/ He's a nut. I love it.

Second, more randomness from me in the form of another quiz thingy. I actually wrote this last night (so no, I'm not wearing pajamas at work, don't worry).

The Rules: Answer the questions using only one word. Then tag three others.

1. Where is your cell phone? floor

2. Your significant other? Partner

3. Your hair? uncooperative

4. Your mother? Steady

5. Your father? Dreamer

6. Your favorite thing? bargins

7. Your dream last night? tedious

8 Your favorite drink? champagne

9. Your dream/goal? freedom

10. The room you’re in? dining

11. Your hobby? Reading

12. Your fear? fat

13. What do you want to be in 6 years? Relaxed

14. What you’re not? Relaxed

15. Muffins? fattening

16. One of your wish list items? flooring

17. Where you grew up? Virginia

18. The last thing you did? movie

19. What are you wearing? jammies

20. Favorite gadget? Tivo

21. Your pets? stuffed

22. Your computer? Laptop

23. Your mood? Edgy

24. Missing someone? yes

25. Your car? dirty

26. Something you’re not wearing? bra

27. Favorite store? BevMo

28. Like someone? Ummm.

29. Your favorite color? Red

30. When is the last time you laughed? Today

31. Last time you cried? Today

I'm tagging Anne, James, and Becky.

Grace Needs...

So here's the game: Type your name into Google followed by "needs." Record the first ten results.

Grace Needs...

1) Constant Care (wow. I had no idea I was so fragile)

2) Help (yes, please. Did you not see how fragile I am?)

3) Clean Hands (gross. Why don't I have clean hands?)

4) To Be Found (deep. Very deep.)

5) Bible Fellowship (well I certainly wouldn't turn it away)

6) Freedom! (Amen. Get me out of Here)

7) Another Month of Treatment (maybe if my hands weren't so dirty I wouldn't)

8) Some Gin (Google really does know everything. It's frightening really.)

9) A Home (awww, so sweet. Adopt me please. I'm lovable despite my alcoholism, need for treatment, and lack of personal hygiene)

10) Gay Love (This one even I didn't know. What a way to end it, eh?)

Dulce De Yummy!

I have a confession: I buy myself pudding snacks to pack in my lunches for work.

Admittedly, it is a little juvenile. I used to bring Yoplait fat free yogurt. But ugh. After years of yogurt every day, I'm just a little burnt out... especially since I was never a huge fan to begin with and mostly eat it because it is good for me and fairly low in calories.

Pudding snacks, as it turns out, are equally easy to pack and equally low in calories. I'm not claiming that pudding has the same nutritional benefits as yogurt, mind you, but when I couldn't bring myself to eat another Yoplait, I decided to mix it up with a few weeks pudding.

I started out with the Fat Free pudding. Tasty. Then I saw that the Sugar Free pudding snacks use Splenda (which I will eat -- I won't eat aspertame cause it gives me headaches). So I tried the Sugar Free snacks that are only 60 calories each. Pretty good. I was sticking with the traditional chocolate-vanilla-chocolate cups.

Then last night at the store, I saw a new flavor: Dulce de Leche.

Oh my goodness.

If you like Dulce de leche flavored things (like ice cream) but are cutting calories or at least monitoring them, you've GOT to try these. It was creamy with a thick layer of caramel on top that tasted like hot caramel sauce (except cold). It was so good I had to stop myself from trying to lick the cup to get the dregs -- I am at work after all. Bad enough I'm toting a pudding snack. I certainly don't want anyone to catch me licking the cup! :)

Yep, these are keepers. In fact, I would eat another one right now if I had brought more than one with me to work.

Probably good that I didn't.

Alphabet Soup Meme

Alphabet Soup Meme


A. Attached or Single?Married. We just had our one year anniverary. Loving it!!



B. Best Friend? In addition to my sisters, who are also best friends, I have three: Becky, Anne, and Audrey. No matter how much time goes by, those three will always be kindred spirits.



C. Cake or pie? Cake. Carrot cake is my current favorite, but I love even the most generic of cakes. It's cake, for gosh sakes. Who doesn't like it?



D. Day of choice? That's tough. It used to be Friday for sure because the week was over and the whole weekend was stretching out in front of me. But now that we drive to Palm Springs every Friday, it might be Saturday. I love my new kitchen!! And the pool of course.



E. Essential item? Coffee. Must have.



F. Favorite color? Probably either blue or red. I love them both.



G. Gummy bears or worms? Between the two, worms. I would rather have cake though.



H. Home town? I claim Warrenton, VA as my hometown. I was born in Richmond though.



I. Favorite indulgence? Booze. Wine usually -- really good wine. Sometimes Vodka tonics on the weekends. Occasionally Corona with lime wedges in the pool. I know it's not good for me or my metabolism. I guess that is why it is an "indulgence"



J. January or July? July for sure. Height of summer is my second favorite time of the year. Christmas holiday is my ultimate fav. January is my LEAST favorite time of year. It's so "get back into work mode."



K. Kids? Not yet. Hopefully in the next five years.



L. Life isn’t complete without? David. I feel... lonely and sad when we are apart. Everything is more fun, more interesting, and more engaging when he is with me.



M. Marriage date?5/27/2007



N. Number of brothers and sisters? From my original family, four sisters and three brothers. Now, there are is an additional stepsister, two stepbrothers, and a half sister.



O. Oranges or Apples? Unless it's in a pie, I would probably pick Oranges. Kind of a mood thing though.



P. Phobias? Car accidents. this is LA after all, and fatal accidents clog our freeways daily. Airplane accidents too. I hate to fly. Fear of the dark. Everything bad happens either at night or when you can't see anything. I have a lot of these, but I will abbreviate the list and end with those.



Q. Quotes? Eleanor Roosevelt. "No one can make you feel inferior without your permission."



R. Reasons to smile? Sunny afternoons. A big, loving family. Having finally gotten to an age where I am less plagued by self-doubt that ever before (which doesn't mean not at all -- just less than before). Friends, both old and new. And of course the antics of my incredibly funny husband.



S. Season of choice. Fall. Birthdays, Thanksgiving, and Christmas prep. Crisp air outside and bakery-scented air inside.



T. Tag 5 people. I think everyone has already done this.



U. Unknown fact about me? I'm kind of an open book, actually. Or at least I feel like I am. But surely I can come up with something, right? How about this: while I have never ever had the guts to get up and sing karoke, when I imagine it in my head (usually while driving) I am a ROCKSTAR.

V. Vegetable? Squash. All kinds. Yellow, Zuchini, Butternut. Mmmm.

W. Worst habit? I use my forefinger to pick at the skin of my thumb when I am deep in thought, agitated, or anxious. I have a perpetual sore there and my cuticle is permenantly ruined. I get chastized at manicures. I have tried to stop and can't seem to.

X. Xray or Ultrasound? I had my neck xrayed once. Apparently I don't have enough reverse curvature, which I guess is pretty common. It led to me having ultrasound therapy on my back to supposedly relieve the tension. So the answer is both? I'm not sure I understood the question. Can you use it in a sentence please?


Y. Your favorite food? Are we really going to open this pandora's box? Food is my favorite. But if forced to narrow it down, I will make a small list: Spaghetti, Pizza, French Fries, Cheese Enchiladas, Tacos, Burritos, Fajitas, Hot Wings, Cheese sticks, Bacon, Chips and Salsa, Guacamole, all kinds of Cheese, loaded up salads with everything, Brownies & Cheetoes. Many of those things I never eat anymore, but this heart is not a fickle one and love is love, despite absence.

Z. Zodiac sign? Vigro. Yes, I'm a demanding perfectionist and completely anal about the way everything is supposed to be and go all the time. I try to be mellow, but it's very difficult.